We Meet in the Night
by filesfreak4life
Summary: After he resigned to follow her, he tried to stay as far away as he could and quickly realized that he couldn't stay away.  Will their chance meetings in the middle of the night make them finally come to their senses? Mac/Harm LOVE...
1. The First Time

0238 ZULU

Mac's Apartment

I don't know what woke me up. Frankly I was more surprised at the fact that I had fallen asleep than at the presence of someone in my bedroom. The source of my insomnia was sitting in the chair across from my bed, head back and asleep.

I watched him for a few minutes, not knowing exactly what to do. He hadn't returned any of my calls since he resigned his commission, followed me to Paraguay, and I told him that we would never be an "us". I thought that it was just another stepping stone in our friendship or relationship or whatever the hell this was. I also thought that we would get over it just like every other time before this. We got over me almost marrying another man, but we couldn't get over me kissing Clayton Webb and me telling him that it was too hard to be us.

He doesn't stir when I get out of bed to kneel in front of him and put my hand on his thigh, "Harm…"

His eyes slowly open and it's like he sees me for the first time all over again, "Mac…"

The way he says my name, with the hint of wonder in his voice makes me almost forgive him for not returning a single one of my calls.

"What are you doing here?"

"I… umm… I came to see you?"

"In the middle of the night?" I ask him, moving to sit up on the bed across from him instead of kneeling like I was. "Why?"

He takes a moment before he answers my simple question. I can see it working through in his head. I can tell that he is trying to decide which answer would be the best. He chooses the not so safe answer.

"I always have to see you when I get back." He finally answers, settling back in the chair and not lifting his eyes to mine.

"Harm, you and I haven't seen each other in four months. You haven't returned any of my… however many it is calls… you're telling me that you have been gone on a single mission for four months?"

"It's thirteen calls, and I listened to every single one, multiple times, and frankly, I could probably recite them back to you if you'd like me to. Your marine instincts have gone soft since we met because I've seen you six times in the past four months… almost seven."

For some reason, I'm not shocked at his admission, because it is perfectly like Harm to keep these things to himself.

We sit there for a few minutes, occasionally looking up at the other. It's almost as if we are thinking that the other isn't really there. Maybe it's an imposter, maybe it's a dream.

"I'm sorry I didn't return your calls. Part of me wanted to stay as far away from you as I could."

At that, I'm a bit shocked, but understand that when I was in the position of being rejected by him years ago in Sydney I ran too, "and that is the reason why you were sneaking into my bedroom at night?" I say with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes… I want to stay as far away from you as I could, and quickly realized that I couldn't."

The breath that rushes out of me is quick and loud, but remains the only sound for another few minutes as I contemplate where we find ourselves at the moment.

"You said almost seven… why almost."

"Webb." He says casually.

I stiffen at the thought and memory. Two weeks after Harm left for the CIA and Clayton Webb was out of the hospital, he came to me. To say I was lost was the understatement of the century. Harm had left and refused to talk to me, I hated going to work, I still feared for my life and heard screams when I closed my eyes, and I needed to forget. Two weeks after Harm left, I let Clayton Webb help me forget.

I can honestly say that it was the loneliest night of my life, sharing a bed with a man who you know is never going to live up to the standards of the one you already have in your head. Mic made me realize a long time ago that there was only one man that would be in my life forever, and any other would be a lie.

"It was one night, and I regret every second of it." I say, being completely honest.

"It didn't sound like you were regretting anything…"

I visibly cringe at his comment. Knowing that he was there, that he had come to see me, that in some strange way I had cheated on him, killed me.

"It was after my first assignment, and I came by because I wanted you to convince me that I should quit. I got in the door, heard you laugh, and turned right back around. I watched him walk out a few hours later, but couldn't bring myself to come back upstairs."

"I'm glad you didn't. I was a mess… I kicked him out after he made some nasty comment about if he was better in bed than you. He told me I used him, I agreed, and I haven't seen him since. I sat in the shower and cried for hours after he left."

"Why?"

"Because you were gone, I hated everything about my life, and because I didn't think that I was ever going to get a second chance at anything."

"Funny… that's how I felt when I left here that night." He says, looking up and giving me a small smile that I return easily.

"You came back though…"

"The next time I came back from an assignment I came here and you were alone, so I sat in the chair for a few minutes, then got up and walked out. I knew you were safe, so I knew I could sleep. I knew that what I was doing… why I wasn't in the Navy any more… was all worth it."

"How'd you know that Webb wouldn't be here?" I ask, and instantly regret bringing that man back into our thoughts again.

"Because he looked pissed when he left your apartment that night, and because the last time I saw Webb all he said to me was 'you win'. I didn't know what he meant until I came home and listened to your messages before I came to make sure you were okay again. The fourth message you left was the morning after you kicked him out."

I remember the message I left him, telling him that I wish he would just come home and stay. I told him that JAG wasn't the same without him, and confessed that I missed him more than anyone else.

"I should go." He says, standing abruptly.

"Why?"

"I know you're safe, so I know that what I'm doing is okay…"

He turns to walk out of the room after looking me square in the eye for what seemed like minutes.

"Harm…"

He pivots back to me with a questioning glance.

"Wake me next time… please?"

He nods and I turn back to get into bed before he calls out to me and I return the questioning glance he had just given me.

"Don't stop calling… I may not be able to return the call, but I'm still listening… even when I'm away."

After a small nod, he walks out of the apartment and I wait until I hear the dead bolt slide into place before getting back into bed for a comfortable sleep.


	2. Pacing

**AN: Thanks for all who reviewed. I took into consideration one person's review that they thought Mac would have been angrier about the whole situation, and I feel like I took care of that here a bit. Also, someone made me away that my ZULU times were off. Stupid internet told me the wrong thing when I looked it up the first time. Hopefully, this is a bit better… I don't know exactly where I'm going with this, but for once in my life I want Harm and Mac to take things slow, build up to everything, and see where it goes from here. It isn't going to follow the same timeline of the show for the most part though, but will still have some of the same stuff. Anyways, read, review, and ENJOY!**

**Unknown Time**

**Unknown Location**

My gut feeling said that if this man survived, he would go after Mac. He would finish what he never got to start in that shack in Paraguay. He needed to be taken care of.

The mission was to fly into this remote area, take the small camp much like Gunny and I did before, and get Sadik. Intelligence said that he had moved his location, and all pointed to this small villa in a place that surely wasn't on any map, but close enough to a dirt runway to help us do some damage.

An hour into the mission we found out that Sadik was not here, and after several hours in interrogation finding out that he never was. Intelligence was wrong. He was still on the loose. His unfinished business was probably going into the small JAG kitchen for her fourth cup of coffee this morning. It left me unsettled in a way that I never felt before.

**0822 ZULU**

**Mac's Apartment**

**Next Day**

I'm sitting outside her apartment thinking about the mission I just came home from, thinking about the failure. I would be lying to myself and to her if I said that part of my staying in the CIA had nothing to do with trying to capture the man that took her and Clayton Webb. If I couldn't kill the bastard while working for the Navy, I could certainly do it while working for the CIA. Webb put me on this last mission because he knew that whatever spirit in me would turn dark the second I saw the man that would have tortured Mac to death. If Mac knew that I had gone out there with that in mind, she would probably kill Clayton Webb… and me for that matter.

I don't know why I'm hesitating going up there, but something is stopping me. Ever since we were told that Sadik hadn't ever been where the CIA thought he was the whole time, I was worried. She called me about every third day, so I knew that she was alright. I worried that one time when I came home she would be gone. Was that today? Did he know that we were there trying to find him? Did he know that it would be the perfect time to finish her off?

Shaking my head at the thought, I climbed out of my Lexus and made my way up the stairs of her building. I put my key in the deadbolt and it turned easily, which for some reason surprised me. A small part of me thought that after my last visit she might have changed the locks despite what she said.

She's sleeping peacefully when I walk in and sit down on the chair across from her. I told her in Paraguay that I had forgotten how beautiful she was… it was a lie. I could never forget how beautiful Mac was. It was just a way to tell her she was beautiful that I thought wouldn't get me slapped by the Marine.

I could never forget the way her hair curled slightly at the ends if she left it untamed or the humidity got to it. I could never forget the sight of the dark brown eyes I dreamed of before falling asleep at night. I could never forget the way her curves appeared so slight under her uniform, as if trying to hide the beautiful women beneath. She was gorgeous and either had no idea of the fact or hated it herself.

On one of our many Webb missions I remember her frustration at him knowing her size and buying a dress for her to attend a party at the Sudanese Embassy in hopes of getting information. I asked Clayton Webb how I was supposed to distract the men away from the office when Sarah MacKenzie appeared in the admiral's door dressed in some blue number… I didn't have to ask how the men would be distracted. She could distract any warm blooded male just by walking in the room.

"You said you would wake me next time…" I hear her say, sitting up in bed.

"I'm sorry, I was just thinking about something."

"Your last mission?" she asks, and I hesitate to tell her what it was about.

"A little bit, but mostly about you."

"Harm." She says sounding more cross than happy to see me.

"You asked me what I was thinking about Mac, and I was thinking about you."

"This isn't going to work, you know?"

"Yeah…" I say, slumping my shoulders and completely not expecting what comes next.

"Damn you Harmon Rabb! Why are you even here?"

"I told you why I came when I was here last time."

"No, you didn't tell me why, you told me that you had to see me. You didn't give me a reason, and the more I think about it, the more this whole situation pisses me off!"

"Mac—" I say.

This wasn't how this evening was supposed to go. Actually… I don't know how this evening was supposed to go. I hadn't planned anything past walking in and making sure that she was okay again.

"No, you don't get to talk. You never talk anyway, so I don't know why the hell you would want to start now. Any time I start to say something that might make the mighty Harmon Rabb realize that he isn't so perfect, you want to table the discussion. Great guy, but the second you start talking about something serious… a commitment, feelings, something deeper than this week's blonde, he can't handle it… You did it in Paraguay, you did it in Sydney, you've always been the one to say that you don't want to talk about it. You always try to walk away from me, and finally when I tell you that there isn't going to be an us…. You don't say anything, but THAT'S when you start thinking?"

"Mac—"

She's up now, pacing around the bed throwing her hands around, "And what gave you the right to comment about my…. Whatever… with Clayton Webb? Huh? That has never been your business! The second you think that I might move on, you come running… that's been your MO this whole time. But do you know what really pisses me off?"

After a minute I realize that she really is waiting for a response from me, "What, Sarah?"

"All those times, I essentially came back to you. After Dalton, I came back to JAG, to you… the Jaguar was no Tomcat. After Mic, I ran back to you, but Renee was in the middle again. When you came to the Guadalcanal to talk to me, I ASKED you flat out what you were willing to give up, and you didn't have the guts to answer me, but I still came back and wanted us to be friends again. But this time when I tabled the topic, when I shut it down for good, you didn't fight me like I would have. You couldn't give me one good reason why I was wrong, and you ran off to the CIA."

"I don't…"

"Yeah, you don't know what to say… go figure." She says sitting heavily on the end of the bed after her pacing.

I figure that since she was able to get so much off her chest by pacing, it might do some good and stand up from the chair.

"Next time, don't wake me. Don't even come." She says, obviously thinking that I was going to leave.

I ignore her, "This last mission was the worst. Clayton Webb put me on it because he knew that I would go in guns blazing without a second thought. I'd kill the target with my bare hands without blinking once. We were told that Sadik was in this remote area, and after what he did to Webb, we knew that we were dealing with someone greater than we knew. I landed the plane near where we were going and had to force myself towards the back of the group. I didn't want the rest of the team to know what pleasure I would get out of killing that bastard for even thinking of laying a hand on you. He wasn't there… and you want to know my next thought?"

I wait, but she doesn't respond, still choosing to look down at her hands twisting in her lap, "my next thought was that I wasn't here. I was off chasing the guy and he had probably set us up, and I wasn't here to save you. I was never going to see you again because of all this. The regrets I had couldn't leave my mind… Why didn't I just tell you in Sydney harbor that I would be ready soon? When we were on the Admiral's porch at your engagement party, why didn't I convince you that I was the one you were meant to be with and that we should run while you still could? Why didn't I say right away that I would give up anything for you instead of hesitating until you couldn't even hear it? … I know that I've tabled it all… I know that I've folded under the pressure of the idea of us. Mac, you have to understand that it's because the idea of us, of everything we are to each other in the grand scheme of things, is bigger than anything."

That's when she finally looks up at me. I knew that she was listening this whole time, because I know that Mac could never ignore something she's been waiting for a long time. I was a jerk for waiting so long to say anything to her, and technically I haven't made the hardest confession of them all.

"You could never be what Renee or Jordan was to me, Mac… I couldn't just casually introduce you as my girlfriend. We're past all of that. We're past all of it, and we still put up with each other. You once said I've seen you at your best and at your worst, and it's true of you for me. Yet we're still here. I don't think that either of us has ever had that before."

"No, we haven't. Whenever it gets tough, someone leaves, or they don't stick around to hear the rest of it…" She pauses for a few minutes, but I know that she's just sorting through thoughts and doesn't need me to respond to her realization. "You shouldn't have gone after Sadik."

"It was my job, Mac, I couldn't help it."

She shoots daggers when she looks back up at me, but I know she means well, "Harm, you saw what he did to Clay. You saw what he would have done to me… he would have killed you the second he saw you."

"Better me than you."

"Well, then, I would have had a list of regrets flying through my head just as much as you did."

"Really?"

"Yes."

I decide that since I'm done with my big speech, the pacing is no longer necessary and make my way back to the chair to sit.

There are no words for a while, and we pass the time stealing glances at each other and meeting the other's eye for long moments. Neither of us wanted to continue the conversation, and both of us were too exhausted to think any more.

"Why is it easier here?" she finally asks, breaking the silence.

"You call what just happened, easy?"

She smiles at that, and adds, "No, but why here? Why now?"

"I don't know, but I'm glad that we're talking about all of this…"

"And where is it leading?"

As she says it, her eyes look to mine and I know that she isn't going to look away anytime soon. She wants an honest answer, and that answer is going to make or break the rest of our relationship.

"Honestly?" I ask, knowing the answer, but worried about her reaction to it.

"Yes." She says, still not letting her gaze break from mine.

"What's the saying… 2.5 kids, a dog, and a white picket fence in the suburbs? We've got a long way to get there, but in my mind that is the only place that it can lead unless it's over."

Her eyes widen, but she doesn't seem to pull away like I feared she would, "It's not over…"

"Slow…" I say in response, knowing that she will understand what I mean.

"When do you leave again?"

"I don't know yet."

"Stay?"

Every fiber of my being is being pulled towards her as she gives the invitation. I know that it isn't to take any big steps, but I am still hesitant.

"No… I want to, but even a sleepover is too much too soon."

"Sleep on the couch?"

"Mac…"

She sighs, sounding defeated, "Honestly, I'm worried about what will happen next time if you leave me here now."

"What do you mean?"

"While you were gone, I thought over our conversation so much that all it served to do was make me angry with you… I questioned everything that you said and I wanted to change my locks the day you left again."

"You didn't… and you kept your promise." I point out with a small smile on my lips.

"I couldn't…and I needed those calls as much as you did."

"Then we'll be fine."

"There are so many things we need to talk about."

"I know, and I'm ready and willing to talk about them, but you need to sleep for work tomorrow, and I'm exhausted."

"Next time, you'll wake me?"

"If I don't get lost in watching you sleep, yes."

"That's what you were doing?"

I just nod and she smiles before asking, "why?"

"Because you're gorgeous, Mac, regardless of the fact that you aren't aware of it or you can't stand it. You are achingly beautiful to me, and frankly, you always have been."

Those are the words I leave her with, walking to the door and turning behind me to lock the dead bolt before making my way to the Lexus and to my apartment.

She knew more than I ever thought I would be brave enough to share, and the realization that some of these regrets were fading away was enough to make me smile all the way home.


	3. It Isn't Him

**A/N: Okay, so this chapter has no Harm and Mac really, but I felt it was necessary in response to some reviews as well as just to get the plot line to where I want it. I appreciate someone who brought my attention to the fact that Sadik was Mac's fight. Even though I had Harm "searching" for him via the CIA, I assure you that I always thought it was Mac's fight too. Harm was so shaken by the whole thing though, to see Mac like that, that I thought I would play that too. But… yeah… I made sure you got your way! Let me know what you think and other things you'd like or things that you didn't like. Next time, more Harm and Mac, and … hmm… I don't know! Read, Review, enjoy!**

**1340 Zulu**

**Mac's Apartment**

He was right about the last time… he wasn't here.

I woke up because I thought it was Harm sneaking in my room. I don't know if the knowledge of his little visits has calmed me or made me more prone to insomnia. Every little sound in my apartment wakes me up, making me think that it's him coming to me. Maybe he finally quit. He wants to settle down now, like he eluded to last time. He'll stay.

It's wasn't Harm.

Harm wasn't here, but Sadik was.

I didn't allow the shock to register on my face when I sat up in bed to watch him walk into my bedroom. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of that after the torture that he would have put me through.

"Sarah… expecting your Navy Commander, I assume?" he says with the loaded accent that rubs me like nails on a chalkboard.

"I assume that he's off looking for me again. They keep putting him on those missions, knowing that he has… what do you say… a bone to pick with me. You are the love of his life, I could torture him just by touching a hair on your head. Maybe I could take you… have my way with you before he ever gets the chance."

I shutter at the thought of him touching me as he comes to sit down at the foot of my bed, me not moving an inch since I sat up. My gun was tucked behind the armoire in the living room, and something tells me that my hand to hand combat training would be matched fist for fist. I would see how he was playing it before I did anything. He was in the mood to draw whatever this was out… and I would take advantage of it.

"Now… I could do all those things, but I don't want him. I want you. You were the one who got away, tricking me, killing those whom I trusted. So… we wait."

"For what?" I ask, allowing my disdain for him to drip from the question.

"For a phone call… you see. I know that if I were to hurt you physically, it would kill him, but it would just leave you with small scars… wounds heal. But the heart… tearing into it with thoughts and feelings… that would certainly stay forever. Like I said… I don't want him, I want you. You are the love of his life, but I'm certain that he is the love of yours, Sarah. So we wait… for the phone call that will tell me that he's dead."

My heart stops for a minute and I curse the fact that I have no clue where Harm is. I haven't known anything about any of the missions he's been on save for the last one where he told me that he had been on a mission to find Sadik. I wanted to scream at Clayton Webb for that, using Harm in that way when Sadik was my problem. I was the one who wanted him dead. It was my fight.

"I don't believe you." I say confidently, getting up from the bed and walking towards the door. "Would you like something to drink?"

He jumps off the bed quickly, grabbing my arm and pulling me close enough that I can feel his breath on my ear. "You saw what I did to your friend Mr. Webb… you think that I would lie?"

I yank my arm from him, "No, I believe that you think you'll kill Harm… but you don't know him like I do. He won't let you get to him that easily."

He laughs then, walking past me and into the living room to make himself at home on the sofa. "We will soon find out… but until then you can get me a glass of wine… I know you keep one for your guests even if you can't enjoy a glass yourself."

I walk calmly into the kitchen with my mind going a million miles an hour. I don't know how this is going to play out, but I know that Harm is going to be okay. No one can ask me why I know this, but I do.

Grabbing a glass and the bottle of wine I had opened last time Harriet came over, I walk back into the living room, pouring him a glass before offering it over.

"Now don't think that you're going to be able to get me drunk and subdue me, beautiful Sarah… I would just like to relax and enjoy my evening of torturing you just a bit more."

I sit down in the chair next to the couch, letting the silence flow through the room and still contemplating how my next plan of action will play out when his cell phone rings.

"Ah, I guess we'll see now who is right and who is mistaken…" he says to me before opening up his phone and speaking to the person on the other line.

Closing it, he looks at me and slowly places his hand over mine in my lap, "It seems your Commander is on his way… and just as I suspected, he's alone. He's never one to follow the rules is he? You two always seem to go off on your own."

I pull my hands out from his to place them on the sides of the chair, again not letting him see the nerves that are stemming up from within me at the thought of Harm walking into this sick bastard's trap alone.

"You think you know Harm… you know me, so well?"

"I do, Sarah. Ever since I found out who you were, a beautiful Lieutenant Colonel in the Marines and not some boring house wife, I've been intrigued. It seems you've come so far in your life. A drunk for a father… you did follow in his footsteps for that, but you seemed to get yourself out. Abandoned by your mother and everyone who you ever cared about. And you yourself walking away from everyone who ever cared about you… that poor Australian Naval Officer who was going to marry you. Your love wasn't real though… but your love with Mr. Rabb… that seems to be real. Even after telling him you couldn't be with him…"

My eyes register shock for the first time, jetting up to meet his as a smirk plays on his lips.

"I have eyes everywhere, Sarah… He still came to you… even after your little affair with Mr. Webb… he came back to you. Isn't that interesting? Maybe he really does love you… or maybe he just wants you. That seems to be how he lives his life, you know. I've looked into his past, and he isn't one to stick around after he gets what he wants for a few weeks or months. But that is what scares you… you don't think that he'll do that to you… but maybe he will. Even now, when I bring up his past, part of you is questioning the thought of him."

"You're wrong…"

"Even if I am, I do know that your thoughts haven't strayed from him since I got here. Oh, beautiful Sarah, he can be a thing of the past, and you can just be mine. We would be wonderful together, no?"

I don't know what comes over me when I stand up and make my way over to the door, but his laughing response at my action, "What… Sarah, are you leaving?", makes my hand dive behind the armoire in search of the gun that should be there. Silently I thank God that he didn't know too much about me, and then silently I ask for forgiveness as I watch the blood trickling down his face.

My next action is to grab for the phone, dialing a familiar number as fast as I can.

"Webb! I've got Sadik… he set a trap for Harm, where is he?"

"_Sarah, you know I can't tell you where he is…"_

"Damn it, Webb, you can't do this to me!" I scream into the phone.

"_I will radio in… he'll be fine." _He says before breaking off the connection.

He'll radio him, which means that he's with him. Harm didn't go in alone like Sadik thought.

My knees give out and I find myself unable to stop the shaking in my limbs as I sit down against the wall next to my front door. I barely register the sounds of sirens coming towards my building or the flash of lights coming from outside my windows.

They took him out and got my statement, which was short after I explained that the operation to take him down was CIA and anything that I could tell them was classified. After calling into their chief, who called Admiral Chegwidden, I was told to stay somewhere else that evening.

There were no doubts as to where I would go.


	4. Brick Walls

**A/N: Another little update that I hope you enjoy… but before you do, I'm just going to make a few comments about fanfic and its readers. I LOVE fanfic. I love reading it, I love writing it, and I love the creativity behind it. It's neat to see what people can do with the characters that have developed into something that we love…**

**On that note… I love reviews. I have NEVER and will never be a writer who threatens updates on the number of reviews or whatnot. I also like getting some criticism. When people say that something is OOC, I'll try to fix it. When they point out that I get the ZULU time wrong in the first chapter, I will figure it out. When they say that they want something to happen, I'll try to work it in somehow.**

**What I did not appreciate this past week was a review I got from someone that said the fic sucked and that Mac and Clayton Webb had more than a one night stand and that she loved every minute of Clayton Webb. I have watched the show and DO realize that she and Webb were together for nearly a year if not more. Fanfiction is FICTION though, so we all take our liberties. **

**So… to "beth" who not so anonymously wrote an anonymous review… I am okay with you thinking that my fanfic sucks. However, I would like to point out that in my fanfic I DO use correct punctuation, complete sentences, capital letters for the start of sentences, and I can correctly spell the word "legs". So, I at least have that going for me. ; )**

**To the rest of you… read, review, and enjoy! Review with ideas if you've got them, and just have fun in fanfic land!**

**Three Days Later**

**0623 ZULU**

**North of Union Station**

My heart is pounding as I wait in the elevator after making the long trip home.

She wasn't there. She wasn't in her bed.

Clayton Webb got to me before we had made the final move on the complex that housed what we now know to be a group of Sadik's men and a few smuggled weapons. No Sadik. He was in Washington and that was all that I was told. Then the jackass got pulled away before he could give me any more information, but did somehow arrange for me to get home… for which I was grateful.

After this last attempt at finding the man that I know still haunts Mac's nightmares, I needed to see her. I needed to know that she was okay more than ever for some reason. Before I got onto the plane I was able to listen to a message that she left yesterday telling me that Sadik was dead, and she was okay. She didn't fill in any of the blanks. The blanks were what worried me.

The worst was that it all happened while I was away, and I couldn't protect her.

I walk into my apartment and immediately notice that something is off. The light above the stove is on, the lamp in my bedroom is on… and a pair of Marine heels were kicked off at my door.

Since it's late, I assume that she's already sleeping and creep up the stairs to find a very awake Sarah MacKenzie.

"You're here." She says with a wonder that I've never heard before, letting a small smile grace her beautiful features.

"I'm here." I reply, sitting down at the foot of the bed, placing my hand on one of the knees she has pulled up towards her as if wrapping herself in a cocoon. "What happened, Mac?"

"I killed him."

When she says it, I can actually see all the walls being built up around her. All these years that we've built walls and torn them down between each other. These were made of brick and mortar… not so easily broken back down.

"Mac…"

"I'm fine. I did what needed to be done."

She did. I assume it was all by herself. I also assume since she's here, that it happened in her apartment too.

"You did." I say cautiously because I feel like when she said it the first time, she didn't really believe the words that were coming out of her mouth.

She looks up at me and the walls are still holding true. She's such a strong woman, but there are times that I just want to shake her and remind her that while she is a Marine, she is also a human being. She is a caring and wonderful woman. When something like this knocks at her door though, she becomes all Marine.

I realized a long time ago that I have this fierce need in me to protect her. I also realized a long time ago that the last thing she wants is to be protected. My need comes not from thinking that she actually needs it though, but just because I want her to need me there. After all that's happened these last few months, and especially the last few weeks… I assumed. I assumed that we had gotten past the wall building stage.

"He used you against me, you know? At first he made it sound like he was going to get back at you for coming to get me and Webb from the compound. He said he could touch a hair on my head and it would torture you, but it would only leave me with the physical scars. I was the love of your life, and he could use that to torture you."

"You are." I say simply, and she registers it for a second before continuing.

"But then he told me that he wasn't after you, but after me. This is why he set the trap for you. He knew you were on this mission to find him. He wanted to watch me wait to hear that you were dead. He told me that it was the only way to tear my heart apart bit by bit because you were the love of my life as much as I was yours…" she pauses for a moment and looks up at me for a minute before continuing. "you are."

"Mac."

"No… I have to get the rest of this out." She says, standing from the bed and starting to pace around the room frantically like the night she yelled at me for everything I had ever done wrong. "Then he started talking about how he knew me and how he knew you. I was just another girl to you though, once you got what you wanted, you would move on. You wouldn't commit yourself to me, and that was my biggest fear. He knew it. He played on it and finally said that it would be better if I was his forever, because I wouldn't be yours. I got up, hearing him still in my head, prayed that he didn't know everything, grabbed my gun… and I shot him…. I don't even know if he had a gun or a weapon, but I shot him. Maybe he was just there to screw with my head, it was part of his game. He was going to make me think that you were gone and leave to watch in the shadows as I unraveled. But I shot him before he even got the chance."

By the end, her pacing had stopped and she was standing near me, looking above me into some fixed spot in the room.

When I put a hand up to her shoulder and stood next to her, she flinched instinctively. "Mac… Sarah, you did what you had to do. You can't fault yourself for that."

The looks she gives me tells me that was clearly not the answer I was supposed to give, "Harm, I'm a military officer. I'm not supposed to just shoot and think about the consequences later. I look at a situation from all angles and work around the last resort. It wasn't self defense, it was revenge."

The way she says it brings me back to all our times in the courtroom watching her prosecute against me, presenting the facts in such a way that would make any panel scream guilty. Only this time she was prosecuting herself in front of me.

"That man had plotted numerous crimes against our country and other innocent people in his own. He murdered two people in cold blood in front of you. He tortured a friend of yours for days while he knew you could hear. He strapped you to a table and was about to inflict the same on you. He found you alone that night because he hunted you ever since you left Paraguay. He deserved any bullet you could give him."

"Then why can't I get past it?"

"Mac, it's fresh, it just happened. No one is going to fault you killing a man they have been trying to capture for the past few years. And you're a good person… if it didn't affect you, I'd worry more."

With another quick look, she sits down on the bed and glances toward the pillow before tucking herself under the blankets. "Not the best homecoming…" she says sarcastically, looking up at me from the blankets.

"I come home to a pretty Marine in my bed… best homecoming I could have ever dreamed."

"I'm so tired, Harm."

I look more carefully and note the exhaustion in all of her features. She still makes tired look gorgeous, but I can see the toll this whole ordeal has taken on her.

"Sleep."

"I can't."

I nod, walking into the bathroom to brush my teeth and change out of my clothes from the trip.

Coming out, I see her in the exact same position, watching me from the bed as I move around the room to climb into the empty space next to her. Hesitantly, seeing some of the brick and mortar still in place, I put my arms around her and pull her closer to me. "Is this okay?"

I only feel her nod before realizing that more may need to be said, "I know you came here to feel safe…" I start and hear a sniff in response, "And I'm here now, and even though I know that you can handle it all on your own… that you want to try… know that the safest thing you've got is me. I love you, Mac, and I'm not planning on going anywhere. Find safety in that."

The breath I let out after that confession shudders against her shoulder, and she turns in my arms.

"Harm…"

I shake my head slightly, "Sleep."

She looks into my eyes for another minute before leaning forward and putting a short but sweet kiss to my lips, and turning again to lean into my embrace.

"Sleep." Is the last thing I hear her say before finally allowing her body's exhaustion win the battle that has raged for the past few days.


	5. Maybe It's All Right

**A/N: I'm thinking this is the last chapter of this one. Unless someone can come up with more that can be added in. I'm on my way to a different fic that has Harm striking a bargain with Mac that may or may not work out to everyone's advantage.**

**2346 ZULU**

**North of Union Station**

When I woke up, I could feel his arms still wrapped around me, just like how we fell asleep last night. He hadn't moved, hadn't lessened his grip, stayed strong.

"Did you sleep?" he asks, somehow knowing that I had woken up.

"Surprisingly well actually." I say, turning in his arms so I can see his face.

He's looking down at me and I finally hear our conversation flooding back to me, including all the confessions we made, including my own. I didn't say it outright, but it came out just the same. He knows that this is what I'm thinking, because I can see it register on his face before he speaks.

"So… last night."

"Harm, let's not…"

"I meant it, Sarah. You are the love of my life, I do love you."

"But are we really ready to be saying this to each other?"

"Yes."

I can honestly say that in that moment, I felt everything shift. I had said the words before, made the declaration, but never meant it… not really.

"So we're throwing slow out the window, then?" I ask with a quirk of my eyebrow that he meets with the raising of his own.

"I still think that slow is a good idea with everything else, mainly because you deserve it all…"

"And what is that?"

"The dating, the moving in together, the long engagement, the perfect wedding…"

"I've never had that, you know?"

When I realize that, it makes me turn back away from him, remembering all of the relationships I've had that have gone south. None followed any kind of normal timeline.

"We can skip the dating phase though, since that is all about getting to know each other, and I feel like I know everything that I could want to know about you."

"Won't stop me from taking you out on the town for dancing, dinner, and a stroll around downtown."

"I like that it won't stop you."

"So, if we're skipping the dating, does that mean that we're right into moving in with each other?" he asks, and I admit that my heart skips yet another beat.

"I don't…"

"I'm ready and willing if you are…"

"Are you leaving the CIA?" I ask, waiting for a response in the negative.

"I'll see what I can do. I have a feeling that it isn't going to work so easily. I want out though… I'm not Webb, I can't let myself be carless anymore."

"You say you loved me then, but you were still careless." I raise an eyebrow in response to his offer to quit.

"I didn't think that I would ever have this with you… at least not so soon." He says, laying back down and taking me in his arms so I can rest my head on his chest.

"Seven years is soon?" I say and feel the chuckle vibrate under my cheek.

"Mac, I was flying by the seat of my pants because if I had really stopped to think about never, I don't know what I would have done to myself."

"Harm, you had to know that no matter what I loved you… if not in the way we really wanted, I still cared about you a great deal."

"It wasn't enough anymore though, Mac. And now, it's everything."

We're interrupted by Harm's phone ringing on his bedside table. I of course can only hear Harm's end of the conversation, and in just a minute figure out that it is Webb he is talking to.

"I'm not leaving again. At least not so soon."

"That's none of your business."

"She's fine."

"I want out, Webb. You tell the powers that be that I want out as soon as they can get me out. And if they can put in a good word to the Navy, that would be great."

"I can't live like that anymore."

After that, it seems like a few minutes before I hear him speak again.

"Everything."

"Yes."

"I know."

Then he hangs up and resumes running his fingers through my hair as we lay there together in the morning sun. My curiosity gets the best of me though, and I have to ask.

"What was that last part? It seemed like Webb was giving you an earful."

"After telling me that he would do whatever he could to make sure I could get back in, he said that he knew how much you meant to me and he asked me if I loved you."

"And?"

"And what?"

"There was more, because at the end you said 'I know'."

"He also informed me that if I treated you wrong in any way, he knew how to make any death look like an accident and get away with it."

It's my turn to laugh then, knowing that Webb still had a bit of a flame towards me even after what had happened between us.

"Hey, you aren't allowed to laugh about this, cause Webb isn't the only one that would have my hide if anything were to ever happen to you by my hand."

"You think?"

"Oh, I'm pretty sure that there is an ex Navy Seal who wears Admiral's stars that would find someway to kill me as well."

"You're probably right, so I guess you have to treat me well, sailor." I say, looking up into his eyes when I say it, not knowing what I'm going to see there when I do.

"I will." He finally says, and leans down to meet my lips with his in perhaps the sweetest kiss I've ever known.

When we separate all we can do is stare at each other, not knowing what to do with the situation. Two grown adults, both having been in serious relationships, certainly not blushing virgins, and we have no clue as to what to do after a kiss.

"Okay, was that weird for you?" he asks.

"No, but I have no clue what to do now…" I say, which earns me a full on flyboy grin from the man I'm in love with.

"This is the first time that we've kissed when we were allowed to… no body to hurt but ourselves, and no reason to stop."

"Hmm… you're right, so why did you stop?"

"Slow?"

"We've still got our clothes on, I think we're okay."

"Yeah, but I'm pretty sure that if we do that again, we won't stop."

I let out a frustrated sigh, and start getting out of the bed, "well, if you don't want to kiss me again, then I'm getting out of bed, taking a shower, and getting on with the day."

He pulls me to him immediately, and this time it isn't sweet, but passionate. All those years pulled into a kiss that lasts longer that my brain can actually count. It had all the newness of a first kiss, all the love of a dying last breath, and all the feverishness of that moment where you know you can't turn back.

"I want to kiss you for the rest of my life for every second of every day, if you'll let me."

"I'll let you."

"Was that a yes to my proposal?" He asks, which shocks me to no end.

"Was that a proposal?" I ask, which I think shocks him just as much.

"Yes" we both say at the same time and it feels like everything isn't as bad as it was a day or a week ago, and the future looks a lot brighter than it did before.


End file.
